One of the first things we talk about in the Dare to Lead™ programme is the mistaken idea that vulnerability is the same as weakness. It's definitely a common myth — even my 11-year-old stepson said weakness was the first thing he thought of when I asked him about vulnerability.
But having been working with Brené Brown's material for six months now, with everyone from small senior leadership teams to large public groups, I've observed that "vulnerability = weakness" isn't the only association error we make.
Before we ran our first programme, I started pulling together a playlist of songs for the breaks. I had a few that I knew already I wanted to include (“Brave” by Sara Bareilles being right up there), but it definitely wasn’t going to be enough, so I started searching for songs about courage.
The results made me disheartened. Almost every song was what I would call a “screw you” song: you dumped me but I don’t need you, I’m better off without you, I’m stronger than you, who needs boys anyway, who needs girls anyway.
It’s as if our artists are all making the assumption that the only way I can be strong is for you to be weak. The songs are not actually about courage; they are about putting on armour to cover up our hurt.
So, yeah, we have this mistaken idea that vulnerability = weakness. But we have an equally mistaken idea that courage = toughness.
Courage isn’t measured by how little we need other people. Courage is measured by our willingness to lean into vulnerability.
Ultimately, I did find a few songs that understand this; the playlist gets added to all the time and I'd love to hear your suggestions. I reckon together we can build a world where people know what courage really looks like.
Ngā mihi mahana,
Kaila Colbin, Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator
Founder and CEO, Boma
