In the Dare to Lead™ curriculum, the first element of trust is "boundaries."
I find that so interesting, don't you? I mean, it's not what I typically think of when I think of trust. The first things I tend to think of are, "If I tell you a secret, you won't tell anyone else," or, "If you say you're going to do something, you do it."
To appreciate how important boundaries are to trust, you can work through a simple thought experiment:
Imagine you're someone who likes to be reliable, someone who wants to make an important contribution to your team. I believe most of us feel this way.
Imagine you have a boss who is constantly asking for more, without regard to workload or timeframes: Can you get the report done? Can you also finish the marketing strategy? Oh, and can you implement that campaign we discussed? And run the analysis we need? By tomorrow?
You say yes, of course: you like to be reliable, and you want to make an important contribution. You agree to do the report, to finish the strategy, to implement the campaign, to run the analysis.
But as the deadlines approach, you realise there is simply no way to do all of these things, and certainly no way to do them all well. It's impossible in the time allotted.
Three questions:
1. How are you feeling right now?
There are a bunch of different answers to this question, but, 'not very good' is likely the general theme. You might be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated or ashamed. You're reliable and useful! You should be able to get it all done!
2. How are you feeling about your boss right now?
Again, a bunch of possibilities, none of them any good. You might be turning it around on her: My boss is so unrealistic! She has no idea what I've got on my plate and she just keeps piling on more! Or you might be giving your boss a pass, turning it around on yourself instead: If I can't deliver, it's because I'm not good enough, not because the requests are unreasonable.
3. What is likely to happen?
Well, you're almost certainly going to drop the ball on some of the things you've committed to. Ultimately, you'll either collapse, blow up at your boss, quit, get fired or some combination of the above...
...all because you didn't set and maintain good boundaries.
The more I reflected on boundaries, the more I came to realise it is one of the most essential elements of trust.
After all, how can I trust your 'yes' if I can't trust you to say 'no' when 'no' needs to be said?
Ngā mihi mahana,
Kaila Colbin, Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator
Founder and CEO, Boma
